Coaching Call #161 is out! The topic of this week’s call is: Why Did She Manifest The Experience Of Having A Stillborn Daughter?
This caller’s daughter was stillborn and she believes it happened because she wasn’t good enough to be this little girl’s Mom. This is not the first time she’s felt that she’s not good enough. In fact, she’s felt this way most of her life, resulting in her not setting boundaries – especially with her own Mom with whom she has a difficult relationship.
Although this call is about the death of a child, it isn’t a dark call. It’s a powerful call that explains why a stillborn can happen and shows we’re always good enough, no matter what. It also explains how you can and should set boundaries with people and not feel guilty doing so.
If you have feelings of not being good enough, setting boundaries is difficult for you, or you’ve gone through a huge painful manifestation, this call is for you.
Awesome Shannon’s Burning Question:
“Hi Melody, I am interested in your perspective on educating children. I want to know more about how we might teach children to feel empowered, if in fact this is a truly teachable skill. I am concerned about this from a social justice perspective, as in, I’d like to know how we might encourage this in economically and racially marginalized communities. I understand that we cannot force a child to recognize her power if she is not vibrationally ready/open to it. But, with the vast numbers of students living in poor communities, what should we do in schools when we make ourselves available to the ones we can help?”
Here’s my answer:
Well Shannon, education is actually one of my hot button issues. It’s something I’m incredibly, incredibly passion about and I so appreciate the chance to talk about this.
You say in your question that you understand that you can’t force a child to raise their vibration if they aren’t open to it, but here’s the thing about kids. Kids don’t have nearly as much resistance as adults do and they are much faster to respond to any kind of energy work or any kind of uplifting work that we do. You are going to see a powerful shift in people much faster when you’re working with children than when you’re working with adults.
The shift that you have to make is within yourself, not in them.
Of course it’s a difficult thing to remember, but you cannot focus on them and look for a response in them so that you can feel better. When you’re doing that you’re putting the burden of how you feel onto them which is what most people do – parents and educators alike. We look at children and we think it’s our responsibility to somehow make them into good human beings, and we’re constantly looking for evidence that they’re becoming just that. Actually, most of society is constantly looking for evidence that they’re not becoming that; especially with people in these sorts of social economic situations.
When you’re working with children or anybody in these kinds of situations, the first thing you want to do is check yourself and make sure you’re not making them responsible for how you feel, that you hold no judgement against them and you’re not looking for what they are doing wrong. What you want to do is look for what they’re doing right. You want to respect and honor them for the powerful creators that they are. You want to look at their happy shiny bright souls, who they really are inside and not so much at the situation that they’re in. You don’t want to pity these kids; you don’t want to look at them like they are disenfranchised. They knew exactly what they were coming into and what they were doing when they were coming into these situations. From a Soul perspective they knew what they were coming into when they were born.
Do not dishonor that choice by saying they’ve made a mistake or something has gone wrong. That doesn’t mean that you can’t help when you’re inspired to but that’s because it’s fun for you to help and it’s also beneficial for them at the same time. It’s like you’re playing a game together; it’s not because they really need your butt to intervene or because without you they won’t be ok. They are still powerful creators.
Once you’ve checked your mindset and your attitude to see if you are judging them, ask yourself if you’re doing it because you think you have to or you’re doing it because you don’t think they will be alright without you or without your help. You want to get rid of all of that and just play with them, be light with them, respect them, respect who they are. Listen to them, let their own wisdom come through. Assume that their own wisdom is there for them to listen to (because it totally is), and accept that the choices that they make, whilst listening to that wisdom, may not look at all like the choices you think that they should make. Again, that’s a judgement, that’s control; you’ve got to stay away from that if you want to help kids, or if you want to help anyone, really.
That vibration that you are holding, seeing them in their power, seeing them as strong powerful creators, honoring and respecting their own guidance, that’s going to go a long way already and from that place you are going to be inspired to use certain words that will really hit home.
Let’s talk about a couple of specific things that you can do to inspire these children
The first one is: What you want to do is talk to them about what it is they can do, rather than what they can’t do. What they’re doing well, rather than what they’re not doing well. More often than not, you may be the only person in their life who is focusing on them that way because most people focus on children (particularly children in these socio-economic groups), and assume that these kids are screwing it up or are going to screw up. They believe they have to step in and take control. You may be the only person in their life right now that is willing to look at them and say, “How are you getting it right?” That may not seem like a big difference to some people but it’s actually a huge difference.
This, by the way, is also a technique that works wonders if you’re in a business situation where you are managing staff. If you start looking at what people are doing right, you are going to see more of it. This is a way for you to line up your vibration with the best of them. So again, it’s not about fixing them or inspiring them; it’s about you deciding what you want to match up with in your reality and changing your frequency accordingly.
The second thing that you can do with them is: You can help them dream. Again you don’t want to make that about control. It doesn’t matter what they’re dreaming about, and it doesn’t even have to be anything realistic, as long as it evokes from them a real passionate, joyful feeling. For example, when a little kid says they want to be an astronaut, you wouldn’t talk to them about how difficult it will be to become one. Let them dream of being one or even becoming the President of the United States, or flying to the sun; it doesn’t matter. Do not try to be too realistic about what their dreams can be, let them hook up with that joyful passion! It’s so easy for children to do that, so let them inspire you with that joy and passion. Encourage them to dream! Once again, you may be one of the only people in their reality who is willing to play with them like that, so do all you can to encourage them.
Encourage them to follow their own guidance
Encourage them to listen to their gut. Honor them and say to them, “You know what to do, you know what you want. What is it that you want, how do you feel about that?” Don’t tell them how they should feel or what they should think, or why that’s wrong (which is what most of society is going to do); encourage them to listen to their own guidance.
I love working with kids, for this very reason. They are so responsive if you shine a non-judgmental light on them, if you honor them, if you respect them, if you listen to them and encourage them to listen to their own guidance. What you are doing there is validating their guidance because they’ve heard it already, but hardly anyone in their reality is going to validate it. If you’re the person who does that for them, they will blossom in your presence.
Other teachers are going to look at you and ask, “How you are getting Johnny to behave so well in your class, because he’s a terror in their class!” You can answer by saying, “That’s because in your class he’s pushing against everything that you’re doing because of the way you look at him and in my class he’s not.” You can get a completely different version of these kids, so don’t listen to any of the histories that other teachers want to tell you. Don’t look at their home situation from a point of view of trying to explain why they’re so difficult to work with. Sometimes it can be helpful to know the back story, but don’t hold onto that story, don’t judge them by that story and don’t hold them to that story.
Why children rebel
Let them be who they really are, knowing that whatever stories they are playing out are happening because other people are not doing that for them and they are wanting to rebel against that. Those kids that are rebelling the most, they are the most determined to feel good. Those are the most powerful ones amongst us. Honor them as such and they will show you that side. They may not show it to anyone else, but they will show it to you.
Thank you so much Awesome Shannon, this was a great question. If you like this content please consider sharing it with somebody who would find it valuable as well. And if you want to join the discussion about education, something I’m so passionate about – I’m always willing to listen and read anything about education – please leave a comment below.
Huge happy shiny, educational, puppy hugs to all of you, and see you next time.